idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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