once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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