Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
