and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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