Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
