I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
