god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
