My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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