She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
