yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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