What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
