is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
