i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
