I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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