Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
