Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This baby is an asshole
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
