I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
