Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Please, let me fuck your mom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
