I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
