So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
