I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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