Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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