I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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