if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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