So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So. Much. Porn.
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