hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
