Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
