I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
PANTIES FOUND
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
