hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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