Cold hands, warm shart.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
