I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
