Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
