can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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