I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize