Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
