Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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