im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He called his prostate his "boner button".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
