Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
