I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize