You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
