I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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