That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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