recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
