Already got asked if we're dating
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ambien. No doubt about it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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