my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
