Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
