maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
