I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
