i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
