giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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