I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
