On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
