I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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