My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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