Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize