ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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