Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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