party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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