New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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