i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
