and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
