There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
