the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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