dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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