I think I won the penis lottery.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
