Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
