True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
