I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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