You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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