My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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