It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
