Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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