Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
