I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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