Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
