just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
