I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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