I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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