Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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