I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
