I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
