if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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