Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
