if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
