I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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