i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
