he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
