i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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