in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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