I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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