So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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