This house was built for laser tag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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