Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize