I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
