I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
