my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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