i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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