oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
