Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
