i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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