Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
