i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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