Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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