it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
