I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
