I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
