I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
