HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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