we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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