Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
