New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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