God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
