Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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